Omg My Eye.!.

Omg Deb my eye is killing me. I don't even know whats wrong with it. All I know is that its making me look ugly. Like I look like the grinch that stole chrismas. Literally.!. And its crazy how many people notice that something is wrong with you're eye. Its like the first thing people see when they look at your face. And its embarrassing.

I went to the doctors and they really didnt know what was wrong with it. Like they said the same virus or bacteria that gave me my cold might have just went to my eye making it infective. Sometimes it gets goopy and stuff and others I get this hard crust around it. Ugh.!. Somebody help me escape from ugly.

I hope these eye drops the doctor prescribed for me actually works and hopefully clears this crap in like a day so I can actually be able to go outside and show my face. And she said put some vasoline around the edges of my eye to add moisture to it and get rid of the crust. I dont really agree with her on that part because I dont think you be putting any kind of moisturizer around your eye defiently VASOLINE!!!!. Lets see what happens.

I was feeling good so I wrote this

I was actually in a good mood and wrote this poem since you only have poems about me being in bad moods up here so I wanted to do something a little different.

I woke up today not feeling the same,
Everything felt so different,
It's hard to explain,
My body felt relaxed and my mind didn't wonder,
I enjoyed breakfast and left the house with a smile,
This was going to be a good day somehow,
I just felt it in the air,
So I roamed the streets without a care,
Walked across the streets during green lights,
Pushed myself though aggressive fights,
Stepped on every crack along the way,
I just felt good,
Today was a good day,
Opened the school doors with a good state of mind,
Even made it to first period on time.

This is a poem I wrote called realize.

I wrote this poem when I was mad and thinking about my life one night. I hope you like it.

Why does an apple fall from a tree,
In other words why do all the bull shit and drama come to me?
It breaks down my body like a terrible disease,
Going for my lungs,
Now it's hard to breathe,
As the days go by I hope it gets better,
But it freezes my heart,
Like a breeze of cold weather,
Everything is starting to change,
Everything is starting to look different,
Now I'm attacking everything that isn't,
Why is this happening to me?
Why do I have this curse?
Things just went from bad to even worse,
Does anyone else have this pain?
Man, this question right here is driving me insane,
Why me, why this, why that?
I still can't get over the fact,
That I'm young, poor, and black.

Freedom

"No one can give you freedom, No one can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man you take it" -Unknown Author

I've been thinking about what this quote means and I can't quite figure it out. I personally think that someone could give you your freedom. People in authority can give you your freedom or take it away. I'm not saying they can just do it at any given time but a lot of people have had their freedom taken from them and some of them can't even get it back. And also your parents or guardians can take it away from you if you are doing wrong.

Oh yeah teachers can play a part that will effect your freedom in the long run. They can either affect you in a good or bad way. If they treat as if you are nothing and not educate you enough for the world, then it can change the way you look at yourself. It can lad you down a bad road. However, they also can effect you in a good way. They can want you wanting to do something and make something of yourself. I think teachers have big impacts on students lives if they try. Think about it we see teachers almost everyday for years. That's probably more often than some people see their parents. You never know how you can influence someone with just the little things you do. However, before I keep going on to a different subject. It seems like I'm interpreting this quote kind of wrong so tell me what you think this quote means.

Losing My Wallet

I'm having a really bad day right now. I cannot find my wallet and it has all my personal information in it. It has my bank account number in it, my social security number, my school id, and a lot of my cards in it. I'm like so mad and I think I lost it on the RtS which is the worst of all. I just got paid to so somebody can take all my money and it seem as though I have no way to get from point A to point B. I have to wait til tomorow so I can use my school id to get around and that sucks forreal. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I just hope that don't nobody try and get into my bank account and hopefully give it to the bus driver so I can pick it up at lost and found. I mean people could be that nice. At my job this lady found a hundred dollar bill in the parking lot and returned it in to us. Like that was extremely nice because she could of easily kept it and carried in with her day. Idk if it was because I work out in penfield and this the city so that means they won't return my wallet out the kindness of their heart. But I'm still hoping even with the possibilities.

Writing about my Life

I never really considered writing about my life before you said something. I mean a lot of people once told me and my sisters that we had a crazy life and we should do a movie about it. But I never really thought about it. now I'm considering writing a book or something about it. I have a lot of unusual things that happen in my life. I think the hardest thing about writing a book about my life is having others read. I don't know what my family will think if they read the book I wrote about my life. And of course it will contain them because they are my family. I mean I don't want to start any trouble or any family trouble. But umm I wouldn't even know where to start with my book. I have a lot of events in my life that i would have to write about. For example first meeting my sisters. Well their not my real sisters just best friends I have since forever. I was 11. Before meeting them let me tell you I was a complete loner. Can you believe it? Always stayed in my room and wrote and read. That's all I did literally. I loved to write about things that I wish would come true and I always had these dreams that would feel like reality. I still do have them and it's something I can't control. Like it's a world that I imagine that I was in with made up people and stuff. I know it's pretty weird but don't judge me LoL. So I always used to write about stuff like that and stayed private. So after meeting them they introduced me to the world basically. Not my mom or dad or brothers. I guess they liked it that way. I wasn't grown trying to look cute and trying to get boys attention. I was just a little nerd and a teachers pet. And I guess that's the way they always wanted me to be that's why they never really talked to me about those kind of things. But my sisters yeah you can believe it they did. And I kind of got addicted to it. Got addicted to being in the spot light and coming outside and playing with others. And dressing up really cute to impress boys and actually talking to them. As you can imagine my parents didn't like it at all. To tell you the truth they still don't. They still hesitate and make up excuses when I'm asking to go over their house. As you can I'm older and have a life so they let me go. Their baby girl is getting older.

A visit with Uncle Sammy

I went to see my uncle Sammy on a prison visit recently and it was great. I haven't talked to my uncle in a very long time because he's doing 25 to life in prison. So it was very nice plus I really don't have anyone to talk to about my deep feelings about stuff because I'm kind of secret with that kind of stuff. So it was nice talking to him and hearing his advice about some things. I was telling about my life school, work, and most importantly family. my family is crazy so I had a whole lot of events to tell him about. Slme for the good most for the bad so I don't think he took it to well. But overall he was happy that someone came up to visit him because no one really has. You know how it is whan you go to prison, everyone starts to abandon you and forget that you exist. Then he assumes everyone is going to say how much they missed hm when he gets out. Definitely my family. But hey you got to love them because they're family right? But anyways I have a cousin that's like a couple months older than me that's just a hot mess. She has been through a lot. Before I tell you what I told him let me tell you about her. When she was born my aunt gave her away to her grandmother for reasons I don't know. Her grandmother had her since like two years ago and I believe that's when she was fourteen. That's a long time to be without your mother or siblings. My aunt has four others kids that she kept with her but gave her away. I think that ate at her and probably was one of the reasons she did what she did. Word was that her grandmother and people on that side did some wrong things to her. Things that we don't like to talk of. So when she finally came home to her mother her brothers and sister didn't you know treat her as family. She was a complete stranger to her. Plus she wasn't all the pretty like the rest. So they basically wasn't the type of family love that she expected. So soon enough she started prostituting and running away and doing drugs. Yupper. I seen with my own eyes her have to be carried away in an ambulance because of a drug overdose. So yeah it's crazy so she soon recovered but she ran away again and now to this day is missing and no one knows where she is. Yup a sad story. What's worse is who really cares about her enough to search for her. That's technically my first cousin and with me being so emotional it hurts. It could of been me you know.

Everything is impossible until somebody does it

I love this because it's true and inspirational. It's makes you want to do the impossible. Like proving that humans can rally fly or something.

When you really sit and think about it everything was considered impossible at one point in time. Even right now. Look atat what we are using to blog. Computers. At a point in absurde people thought the invention on computers were absurd. Until somebody proved it otherwise. So thats we have to do. Prove against the impossible. Just like that poem the rose that grew from the concrete. Nobody expects for such a beautiful rose to grow from such a hard place. It went passed the expectations of society.

Just like the rose we must do the impossible and make it possible. Everything that is believed isn't true.

My Christmas List

1. Jewelry ( earrings and bracelets, name plated necklace)

2. Hat, Scarf, and Glove set

3. Sneaker and boots. (Snow Boots)

4. Clothes

5. Asian Booty Lol

6. Under Clothes

7. Ipod

8. Digital Camera

9. Nails and hair done

10. Candy(chocolate)

11. Money

12. Family Time and Ice cream Cake!!!

The Step Jam Tickets

Omg I had such a hard time getting the Step Jam Tickets it doesn't make any sense. Okay first of all it was cold ass hell. Then okay I went to get the tickets and only had forty dollars. I was suppose to get my ticket my mom, and two of my brothers and the tickets were ten each. So I had just enough. However, tickets were going to go up to twenty dollars each later that day but they wasn't telling like what time, they were going to go up. And my cousin wanted me to buy her a ticket and she was going to give the money later. I didn't have enough and I knew that if I went home and came back that they probably would go up on the prices. So I brought the four tickets. Went home and got the money and everything and went right back three hours went by. I came back with my mom because she wanted to buy my youngest brother a ticket. And you could guess what happened. The tickets were twenty dollars. Only three hours passed so I was pissed. Anyway we brought the tickets and the end of the story is my cousin never paid me the other ten. It's okay though because that's what happens when you do people favors.
However, the Step Jam went down and I had lots of fun. Seen a lot of people there and meet a lot of knew cuties. So it was worth it because it has been a long time since my family went to a fun event together. Mom enjoyed it and wants to go next year. So hopefully next year we will be a lot more organized.

My life

I don't know why but I'm in the mood right now to talk all about my life and the experiences I've had. I know I'm still young and have probably seen nothing yet but I do have experiences. Okay first off my family is crazy and different. I don't have the usual ordinary loving family. Point blank period. I'll start with my dad side. THEY ARE ALL LITERALLY STUCK UP!! LITERALLY. And the thing is all of the aren't even actually rich. Well I shouldn't say rich just wealthy with money. I mean they don't have to go through the drama of having their lights turned off or struggling for rent some months. I mean one of my uncles live in California in a mansion. Deb when I day a mansion with everything in it I mean it. I mean of course you would never know because they are so stuck up. They moved away once they got rich. My grandmother is a doctor. My dad mother is a doctor Deb. Married to a rich lawyer. She has nothing to do with us. Nothing on Christmas, nothing on birthdays, or just no random phone calls to see how we are doing. I mean I used to feel terrible about it but now I'm used to it and just call it life. Now do you get it. Why I try so hard. Why I'm trying to get myself together and take care of my family. I don't want want to turn out like them but I'm not going to be no bum either. I'm going to go to college (University of Rochester) and make something of myself. Show all the people that had no hope in me that I'm not just some annoying family member with nothing going for herself and likely to get pregnant before graduation. No that's not going to be me. It's to important to me to just give up and let them win. Family or not I'm going to do me. I'm going to finish my next entry on family because I got a little carried away. LoL

Mooch Leaving

I am so depressed about Ronnie leaving. I really do love him even though we go through some trouble some times. However, you must go through the bad sometimes in a relationship to enjoy the good times even more. He was the first boy, the first Deb who I really looked to a serious relationship with. I don't know if you believe me or not but I didn't used to be like that. I didn't really care about boys. I just used to use them. Seriously for what they had. If they had a car I would use them for rides. Me and all my sisters would use them and only call them when we wanted something and talk to like five boys at a time. Not taking none of them seriously. LoL. Those used to be the days. We would call one boy and if he didn't do what we wanted we would act lie we mad at him and as if he really meant something. But the second we hung up with him it was on to the next. It might not seem true but it is. And Ronnie really changed me. I mean I was always mature and I guess that's what guys like in girls. But like he opened my eyes to many things and he was one of the only boys I never cheated on. I stayed faithful to him for a whole year.
Can you imagine that? A girl that's so used to having more than one boyfriend for so long suddenly settling down for one. And out of all the boys in the world Ronnie Jones. He's not good looking and most girls aren't attractive to him. I had fine boyfriends but none of them compare to Ronnie. So to have him gone so sudden hurts. It feels like someone just played a cruel joke on me.

Rochester Weather

Omg I hate the weather. I hate rain. It's so cold and wet and it gets me sick. I would rather have snow than rain. I know it's Rochester and it's a mess but can we at least have another month of good weather. I'm not ready to put on big heavy boots,winter coats, wear scarves, and gloves. It all seems a little to soon. Every time I sneeze tis yellow mucus comes out and it is so disgusting, it always leaves me congested. As though I can't breath through my nose or smell. It's one of the worst feeling because soon you start to talk funny. Ever heard someone talk and you knew right off the back that they were sick and had a stuffy nose. Well that's me and I work at Wegmans so I have to do a lot of talking.

Another thing I hate about the rain is that it's just so wet. It's cold and it messes up your hair. Than you have to carry around this huge umbrella and hope you don't misplace it. And if you are caught in the rain without an umbrella ten you're pretty much screwed. And it happened to me more than a few times. Just for the record you cannot look cute in the rain. You can do a little in the winter but in the rain it's impossible. Unless you have a car you're walking in school looking a zombie or bum that needs a bad hair job. LoL.

With this being said I hope it snow on Christmas because Christmas isn't Christmas if it doesn't. Besides being showered with gift.

Senior Projects

This I see a lot of seniors working so hard for their senior project. I know that it is serious and everything but I mean they stressing bout it. And I think a lot of juniors are failing to realize that it's going to be them next year. It's going to me next year. I'm going to be the one stressing over a senior project in order to graduate. It seems like it's so far away and also to soon to be true(quite difficult to understand but its so true).

When my time comes for my senior project I want to get my CFR training. It is kind of like getting you EMT certificate but it's first responder. I already have my CPR certificate but I will be renewing it and learning how to work an AED and take blood pressure. I think its going to be fun and challenging. I just hope I come through with it because it will help me in a lot of ways. Riding in an ambulance in process as one of the responders is something everyone doesn't experience.

Some people that I admire for trying so hard with their senior projects are Qunicy, Milan, Leslie, Kayla, Anqesha, Andriana, and Jasmine Alston. I see them working towards their goals and I have faith in them. I know that they are going to graduate.

Drama

Drama. Drama. Drama. Drama is everywhere you look. It doesn't matter which position you play. You could be the beauty that everyone hates on or the one who does all the hating. It doesn't matter because it's going to follow you. Throughout life you are going to be challenged with all kinds of battles. It depends on what the outcomes become and how long these battles last. DEB told me that life it 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it. I had to really sit back and work out different scenarios in my head about that quote. About if I was rich or if I was poor. About if I went to this school or went to another. Or if I was black or white. All had different outcomes. In my scenarios I would picture someone at this school picking a fight with a well known aggressive girl in this school. They want to fight over a boy. I would picture how easy it is to fight her. Then picture someone else in like a Pittsburgh school. How if someone wanted to fight over a boy how that person can easily look at that person as if he/she was so insecure. How that they wouldn't fight over something so immature and would rather tell someone. It makes a difference.

Someone told me before that even the dirtiest n**** on the block has a hater. Meaning that you could be dirty of all dirty and people are still going to hate you. Hate you because you exist and is on this green earth. So when people decide to hate you and as you said (dump their garbage on you) smile, wave and walk away. At the end of the day you are who you are. Don't let no one take that from you.

Tutoring

Omg tutoring these kids is such a challenge. Like now I finally understand what teachers go through. You know how its said that you dont know what that person is going though until your in that person shoes. Well I get it. From calming us down, to having the patients for us, and making assignments. It's to much.! It makes me not even want to have kids.

They are hard headed and dont listen. Always complaining and making excuses. I mean I know I do it but damn I be ready to choke these kids. Money must be good for you guys or yall just plain crazy lol. With this being said I'll try to make it easier lol. See how well that works out.

Getting a new phone

I love my new phone!. It's like so much better than my old one. I used to have the old old one form like 1880. It was a flip phone that couldn't even go on the internet. What phones don't go on the internet now a days?. All phones go on the internet and I was stuck with that one. But my new one was almost two hundred dollars all together. And that's the most I have ever paid for a phone. So I have to be extra careful with it because I usually lose my phones. I don't know why but I usually lose them then get another. i think it's because it's so easy to replace the cheap ugly phones but if I lose this one. It will be replaced with an ugly cheap phone because it's to much money. But this one I'm not going to replace it so easily. Its going to take a couple of weeks and some help from mom. Maybe if my job gave me like a six dollar raise because of how awesome I am I could afford stuff more easily lol. I'm playing though because I love my job and it pays well to.

My dream vacation...

My dream vacation would be me going to Africa. I want to go with someone I'm in love with. It doesn't matter if we won't be together in the future but just for the vacation. Just for the vacation we could be in love and enjoy our time together. I want to explore all the ancient artifacts in Africa. Visit museums and interact with the people. I want to climb some of there famous mountains and go hiking in the most beautiful places. I want to do something I never done before. eat things I never taste before rather I like it or not. It would be something new that I could only do once in a life time.

This would be my dream vacation. No worry, no stress from others it's just all about me. My dream vacation is out of the ordinary but it's what I want to do not anyone else. However, it would be a dream forever because it's going to be turned into a reality. A mission to accomplish before I die.

If I could change one thing about society it would be....

If I could change one thing about society it would be teenage pregnancy and STDs. I hate the fact that teenage girls are just popping, out babies like it's nothing now a days. It's like it's cool or something. I just wish we had more self respect for ourselves and didn't just let people use and abuse us. it's just contagious and absurd. That's hard to explain but it's literally both. Contagious because once one person have one another thinks it's okay. Like she could do it and still be able to party plus have someone to love me and also keep me tied down to this dude that I think I love then why can't I do it. Like that's exactly what it seems like to me. I have many close friends and relatives that are pregnant of already have a baby. At first they were okay with it now they see how hard it really is. They just let their parents take care f them and leave. But I won't lie some people love it. Like my sister only 17 and happy because it seems as though she has a family. Something most people are less fortunate to have. But it's just something I think is for people much older like in their twenties or something.
And STDs because that's just absurd. You're 13 and stuck with an STD. That's crazy. To young to be going through that type of drama. And plus it has got so worse that everyone has to be really careful about who they have sex with no matter what age. I mean what you can contract can be deadly. So yeah we all need to get it together and fast.

One crazy experience with AMANDA!!!

First things first. Never! Never ever ever Never go walking downtown with Amanda in the winter!

Ok we was walking downtown from school one nice cold day. It was snowy outside and the street was covered in black ice. So it was slippery. Me and hr was walking to criKet by liberty pole to go pay a phone bill. So we just laughing and playing. When we get to Main and Clinton mad people was down there because school just let out. So the light changed and we about to cross the street.

Next thing I know I felt someone foot come in front of me and trip me. me and Amanda fell so hard to the ground. I guess she lost her balance on the black ice and her foot tripped me. So now we both trying to get up while in the street. Did I mention that it's black ice everywhere so it's hard to get up. My hat flew off my head and we are stopping traffic, plus did I tell you that mad people was down there. It was embarrassing. After that day I told myself that I will never never ever ever cross the street downtown with Amanda again. She tripped me LoL.!.