Omg My Eye.!.

Omg Deb my eye is killing me. I don't even know whats wrong with it. All I know is that its making me look ugly. Like I look like the grinch that stole chrismas. Literally.!. And its crazy how many people notice that something is wrong with you're eye. Its like the first thing people see when they look at your face. And its embarrassing.

I went to the doctors and they really didnt know what was wrong with it. Like they said the same virus or bacteria that gave me my cold might have just went to my eye making it infective. Sometimes it gets goopy and stuff and others I get this hard crust around it. Ugh.!. Somebody help me escape from ugly.

I hope these eye drops the doctor prescribed for me actually works and hopefully clears this crap in like a day so I can actually be able to go outside and show my face. And she said put some vasoline around the edges of my eye to add moisture to it and get rid of the crust. I dont really agree with her on that part because I dont think you be putting any kind of moisturizer around your eye defiently VASOLINE!!!!. Lets see what happens.

I was feeling good so I wrote this

I was actually in a good mood and wrote this poem since you only have poems about me being in bad moods up here so I wanted to do something a little different.

I woke up today not feeling the same,
Everything felt so different,
It's hard to explain,
My body felt relaxed and my mind didn't wonder,
I enjoyed breakfast and left the house with a smile,
This was going to be a good day somehow,
I just felt it in the air,
So I roamed the streets without a care,
Walked across the streets during green lights,
Pushed myself though aggressive fights,
Stepped on every crack along the way,
I just felt good,
Today was a good day,
Opened the school doors with a good state of mind,
Even made it to first period on time.

This is a poem I wrote called realize.

I wrote this poem when I was mad and thinking about my life one night. I hope you like it.

Why does an apple fall from a tree,
In other words why do all the bull shit and drama come to me?
It breaks down my body like a terrible disease,
Going for my lungs,
Now it's hard to breathe,
As the days go by I hope it gets better,
But it freezes my heart,
Like a breeze of cold weather,
Everything is starting to change,
Everything is starting to look different,
Now I'm attacking everything that isn't,
Why is this happening to me?
Why do I have this curse?
Things just went from bad to even worse,
Does anyone else have this pain?
Man, this question right here is driving me insane,
Why me, why this, why that?
I still can't get over the fact,
That I'm young, poor, and black.

Freedom

"No one can give you freedom, No one can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man you take it" -Unknown Author

I've been thinking about what this quote means and I can't quite figure it out. I personally think that someone could give you your freedom. People in authority can give you your freedom or take it away. I'm not saying they can just do it at any given time but a lot of people have had their freedom taken from them and some of them can't even get it back. And also your parents or guardians can take it away from you if you are doing wrong.

Oh yeah teachers can play a part that will effect your freedom in the long run. They can either affect you in a good or bad way. If they treat as if you are nothing and not educate you enough for the world, then it can change the way you look at yourself. It can lad you down a bad road. However, they also can effect you in a good way. They can want you wanting to do something and make something of yourself. I think teachers have big impacts on students lives if they try. Think about it we see teachers almost everyday for years. That's probably more often than some people see their parents. You never know how you can influence someone with just the little things you do. However, before I keep going on to a different subject. It seems like I'm interpreting this quote kind of wrong so tell me what you think this quote means.

Losing My Wallet

I'm having a really bad day right now. I cannot find my wallet and it has all my personal information in it. It has my bank account number in it, my social security number, my school id, and a lot of my cards in it. I'm like so mad and I think I lost it on the RtS which is the worst of all. I just got paid to so somebody can take all my money and it seem as though I have no way to get from point A to point B. I have to wait til tomorow so I can use my school id to get around and that sucks forreal. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I just hope that don't nobody try and get into my bank account and hopefully give it to the bus driver so I can pick it up at lost and found. I mean people could be that nice. At my job this lady found a hundred dollar bill in the parking lot and returned it in to us. Like that was extremely nice because she could of easily kept it and carried in with her day. Idk if it was because I work out in penfield and this the city so that means they won't return my wallet out the kindness of their heart. But I'm still hoping even with the possibilities.

Writing about my Life

I never really considered writing about my life before you said something. I mean a lot of people once told me and my sisters that we had a crazy life and we should do a movie about it. But I never really thought about it. now I'm considering writing a book or something about it. I have a lot of unusual things that happen in my life. I think the hardest thing about writing a book about my life is having others read. I don't know what my family will think if they read the book I wrote about my life. And of course it will contain them because they are my family. I mean I don't want to start any trouble or any family trouble. But umm I wouldn't even know where to start with my book. I have a lot of events in my life that i would have to write about. For example first meeting my sisters. Well their not my real sisters just best friends I have since forever. I was 11. Before meeting them let me tell you I was a complete loner. Can you believe it? Always stayed in my room and wrote and read. That's all I did literally. I loved to write about things that I wish would come true and I always had these dreams that would feel like reality. I still do have them and it's something I can't control. Like it's a world that I imagine that I was in with made up people and stuff. I know it's pretty weird but don't judge me LoL. So I always used to write about stuff like that and stayed private. So after meeting them they introduced me to the world basically. Not my mom or dad or brothers. I guess they liked it that way. I wasn't grown trying to look cute and trying to get boys attention. I was just a little nerd and a teachers pet. And I guess that's the way they always wanted me to be that's why they never really talked to me about those kind of things. But my sisters yeah you can believe it they did. And I kind of got addicted to it. Got addicted to being in the spot light and coming outside and playing with others. And dressing up really cute to impress boys and actually talking to them. As you can imagine my parents didn't like it at all. To tell you the truth they still don't. They still hesitate and make up excuses when I'm asking to go over their house. As you can I'm older and have a life so they let me go. Their baby girl is getting older.

A visit with Uncle Sammy

I went to see my uncle Sammy on a prison visit recently and it was great. I haven't talked to my uncle in a very long time because he's doing 25 to life in prison. So it was very nice plus I really don't have anyone to talk to about my deep feelings about stuff because I'm kind of secret with that kind of stuff. So it was nice talking to him and hearing his advice about some things. I was telling about my life school, work, and most importantly family. my family is crazy so I had a whole lot of events to tell him about. Slme for the good most for the bad so I don't think he took it to well. But overall he was happy that someone came up to visit him because no one really has. You know how it is whan you go to prison, everyone starts to abandon you and forget that you exist. Then he assumes everyone is going to say how much they missed hm when he gets out. Definitely my family. But hey you got to love them because they're family right? But anyways I have a cousin that's like a couple months older than me that's just a hot mess. She has been through a lot. Before I tell you what I told him let me tell you about her. When she was born my aunt gave her away to her grandmother for reasons I don't know. Her grandmother had her since like two years ago and I believe that's when she was fourteen. That's a long time to be without your mother or siblings. My aunt has four others kids that she kept with her but gave her away. I think that ate at her and probably was one of the reasons she did what she did. Word was that her grandmother and people on that side did some wrong things to her. Things that we don't like to talk of. So when she finally came home to her mother her brothers and sister didn't you know treat her as family. She was a complete stranger to her. Plus she wasn't all the pretty like the rest. So they basically wasn't the type of family love that she expected. So soon enough she started prostituting and running away and doing drugs. Yupper. I seen with my own eyes her have to be carried away in an ambulance because of a drug overdose. So yeah it's crazy so she soon recovered but she ran away again and now to this day is missing and no one knows where she is. Yup a sad story. What's worse is who really cares about her enough to search for her. That's technically my first cousin and with me being so emotional it hurts. It could of been me you know.